Saturday, May 12, 2012
SO excited to start P90X in two weeks! BUT, I'd just like to post some difficulty/frustration I'm having...In any case, this week has been a bit challenging in the food department for me, maybe since Wednesday: I try to eat "just enough," but for some reason, I've been wanting more, so I do eat more, even as it's pretty good food: jerky, Shakeology, coconut stuff, kombucha...though some cheats like dark chocolate (maybe 3-5 squares a day) and superfood-blend "Bliss Bars". And I wonder if I eat to escape my fussy baby, or I go so long from eating that I get *ridiculously* hungry. Went out today to the salon and to see a friend, and the whole time, I was worried about the baby crying, but didn't hear a word from hubby. I was a wreck when I got home: baby was awake and fussy, though, and I had to feed ASAP. Kinda frustrated, kinda resentful, then I eat almost to distract myself and enjoy...and feel almost this helplessness and loathing towards myself. I tell my hubby about this guilt but he says I'm nursing and working out, but I still feel maybe I'm eating too much....feeling definition but not weight loss, so extra guilt with the food. Ugh. There were times when the food made me feel better, in particular after a migraine Thursday night, and feeling crappy post-migraine Friday. But still. Now I'm assessing my pantry: I fear maybe I shouldn't be allowed around food I like, but truthfully, I live for food. I truly savor it, hence my desire for healthy food, the only way to reconcile my love for it. But...yeah. Maybe I should give myself some slack being an exhausted nursing mom and all? Or not...all conflicted here. Argh.