Fitness Roadblock

SO excited to start P90X in two weeks! BUT, I'd just like to post some difficulty/frustration I'm having...In any case, this week has been a bit challenging in the food department for me, maybe since Wednesday: I try to eat "just enough," but for some reason, I've been wanting more, so I do eat more, even as it's pretty good food: jerky, Shakeology, coconut stuff, kombucha...though some cheats like dark chocolate (maybe 3-5 squares a day) and superfood-blend "Bliss Bars". And I wonder if I eat to escape my fussy baby, or I go so long from eating that I get *ridiculously* hungry. Went out today to the salon and to see a friend, and the whole time, I was worried about the baby crying, but didn't hear a word from hubby. I was a wreck when I got home: baby was awake and fussy, though, and I had to feed ASAP. Kinda frustrated, kinda resentful, then I eat almost to distract myself and enjoy...and feel almost this helplessness and loathing towards myself. I tell my hubby about this guilt but he says I'm nursing and working out, but I still feel maybe I'm eating too much....feeling definition but not weight loss, so extra guilt with the food. Ugh. There were times when the food made me feel better, in particular after a migraine Thursday night, and feeling crappy post-migraine Friday. But still. Now I'm assessing my pantry: I fear maybe I shouldn't be allowed around food I like, but truthfully, I live for food. I truly savor it, hence my desire for healthy food, the only way to reconcile my love for it. But...yeah. Maybe I should give myself some slack being an exhausted nursing mom and all? Or not...all conflicted here. Argh.

On Dogs and Babies

Some people ridicule the notion of adopting a dog as "practice baby-training." Well, I disagree with that. Maybe some people think it foolhardy, but we adopted a standard poodle around my 5th/6th month of pregnancy. I love dogs, you see, and we moved to a place partly for my husband's hankering for a yard to grow stuff in, but also for my deep desire for a dog of our own. So soon after we moved, that's exactly what we did. I hesitated as the adoption fee wasn't cheap, but my husband said to go for it, anyway. And boy am I glad we did. Now the journey wasn't easy: she was found with mange, heartworm, and earmites, and was emaciated, so we did our best to heal those. We named her Bella, and smart cookie that she is, she responded to that name within days! However, she was also super skittish and shy, and wanted us in her sight at all times, hence our moniker sometimes for her being "Velcro dog." And therein is the big part that I'm glad we got a dog first before we had our baby: babies are fussy, and they want to be attached to you: after all, they were in our wombs for 40+ weeks, in my case, 41. They're used to being held 24/7, and fed 24/7. With the addition of a dog in our lives, there was another being to care for, spend for, someone else's schedule to think about, and who relies on me, whether it be food or medicine or even affection. With a baby, it's intensified like 500% as babies are even more helpless (so it does help that they're cute)! That plus our dog is really chill and centered when she's not spazzing or being all clingy; quiet, too: it took her months for us to hear her bark. But she's getting better: she doesn't get scared we'll leave her when we crate her, or see it as punishment; she has put on weight, and responds to the few commands my husband taught her; she even follows us into the bathroom now, whereas before she was terrified of it for some reason. Like her gradual improvement, we hope similarly for our baby, though at a slower pace as babies do take a while to hold their heads up on their own and not need us on demand 24/7. With the baby's arrival too, she is no longer the center of our lives, but she has responded to this with reluctant and resigned grace. With this standard poodle's awesomeness, plus the fact that she doesn't really shed, I am sold on standard (poodle)s! As my friend who told me about them, they are great family dogs. Indeed.

That being said, there are other things going on in life! I rarely cook as I am afraid of the stove (just as I dislike mess and bugs, but that's another story), so I feel bad that my husband even more so than before is doing so much for our family, what with cloth diapers and so on, on top of the regular stuff we have to do around the house, which with the baby has taken a bit of a backslide, hence my desire to help out more. Friends and family giving us food has been a godsend, but it won't last forever, so I was looking at these soup recipes: they look pretty easy, so maybe I can make them and make my husband happy and proud :-) Two in particular are catching my fancy: this Cucumber Gazpacho and this Coconut Cauliflower Soup, then macaroons for dessert! Is it super obvious I'm into healthy fats right now, especially coconut?!

I also got my certificate of graduation from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, or what we students fonds call IIN. Woohoo! Now on to more learning!...after I get the hang of caring for this baby...

Mama Musings on 5 Weeks

My baby boy is 5 weeks this week; I did my gentle postnatal workout (hoping to graduate to Beach Body soon!) yesterday while he napped, and since I'm super craving coffee but too scared of the consequences of caffeine, I am excitedly/impatiently waiting for my orders of Dandy Blend and Teeccino's dandelion line, and I'll see what I prefer. Research shows that decaf coffee can still cause problems with babies through rheumatoid arthritis later on, whereas dandelion across many cultures promotes cleansing, good digestion, and even milk production for lactating mamas later on! What's even better is Dandy Blend is safe for kids to drink as it's gluten and caffeine-free. Dandelion's clearly pretty awesome!

I'm also looking into a Waldorf preschool program for him here, and they even have a very selective partial work-exchange program for tuition, so I'm hoping I can make the cut! I just want my child to have a holistic education, which I think Waldorf embodies.

And with that, J-Mike is my son, yes, but indeed he is his own person, as Kahlil Gibran says it so well.

For my own sanity and so I could connect to other mamas (as so far I've mainly been interacting only with my son!), a friend was telling me to look at Heights Kids Group...another friend told me to look at Moms of Preschoolers or M.O.P.S., and Holistic Moms Network, as well as a local chapter of La Leche League; ah, now to look into all of these and see what works for me!

Especially as a new momma I have a million things running through my head, but of course I'm lucky to remember two of them...now to make sure they're the right ones to remember! Some things of note:

Please think about helping this cause that ends in 5 days: Chick Fil-A is threatening to shut him down, but he's not even competing with them. Don't let the bully win; vote for fresh food over fast food!

There's more, but with nursing and tending to my son's needs, I am doing all I can to remember one or two, hence my planner and iPhone come in very handy...

And on an unrelated note, here is a beautiful quote from Bari Tessler-Linden that really resonated with me: "Sometimes I am given the reflection that I am living a ‘small’ life and have colleagues + mentors rooting for me to become 'bigger' in my self and in my reach...than in other moments I am given the reflection that I am quite driven, accomplished and live a fully created life...big life vision, small life vision... it can get confusing sometimes... but in the end, I am the really the only one who can determine if I am making the most out of this one precious life..."

I'd prefer to live life on my terms, any day, though I still am working on being less of a pleaser! So here's to that.

4 Weeks and Counting

So here I am with my 1 month, 2-day old son, literally: he is in a sling, and on my lap as I type this. This journey so far hasn't been easy: on top of the usual sleepless nights and baby-centered schedule, we got thrush last week. So that meant purple nipples for me and purple mouth for him. And FYI, thrush doesn't always mean the white patches right away, etc. But things get better, right? And things change constantly, especially with a new baby. He's gained almost 2 pounds now, as he's about 9 pounds, if not more, from his birth weight of 7 pounds 8 ounces. I was able to do a short 15-minute postnatal-specific workout yesterday, as well as finished writing thank-you cards (yay!). I was also able to put him in a sling and walk the dog for a bit today, all by myself-- a first!

But sometimes with 3 steps forward there are 2 steps back: I experienced some pain/twinges in my perineum today shortly after I had picked my son up for a feeding, but this was preceded by squatting to pick up mail and picking up said boxes, as well as a walk with baby and dog; also emptying the dryer and sweeping up the lint from a badly-placed disposable liner that had disintegrated in the dryer. What can I say, I like being able to do stuff, and keep things neat and tidy! But yes, overexertion can still happen after 4 weeks! So I guess no workout for me today. But hey, there's still tomorrow. And in tomorrow can we pin our dreams and plans....I know I do!

I've also been dealing with frustration that I'm not being able to get back into the swing of things. No-one in prenatal class tells you that thrush can happen, or that with post-birth comes lots of bleeding, and for a while, that baby bonding may not be instantaneous, that you'll be SUPER thirsty breastfeeding, how raspberry tea is incredibly healing not only during pregnancy but also after, and so on! No one tells you how soft/flabby your belly may look, or that you just won't have energy, or that your housekeeping duties will have to go to someone else, and that y'all will have to figure it all out. But all this happens and more. New mamas are brave during birthing, but also after-- for dealing with all this, hopefully with a supportive partner, but sometimes not. No-one talks about all these, but really, they should. So here's to mamas being brave and figuring this all out.

2012 and going on 41 weeks!

Hi, everyone.

Sorry I haven't been posting AT ALL.

See, I'm trying to figure out what direction I want to take this blog, then post regularly, but then I got busy, and tired, as I got more pregnant. When I started this blog, I had just started IIN, and this week, we graduated, woohoo; now on to Immersion!

So I'm 40 weeks and 5 days today-- officially overdue by hospital standards, but my midwife and doula are pretty chill about it. Everyone else isn't, though, which in turn makes me spazz out a little, get pretty anxious. I say though that when he's ready, he's ready, and I'm trying to stand by that. In the meantime, I am mostly staying home and trying to chill with baths and rest and ok, some Internet, and dreaming of plans post-baby! I'm actually wanting this top, and hoping to be able to get fitted post-natal at Finish Strong for proper sizing, etc with Brooks running shoes (in my opinion they're tops)!

My husband's big issue is circumcision; mine is breastfeeding, so I saw this recipe, but if you just want to buy 'em, I recommend this company. Our joint issue is PPD, where placentas come into the picture, and breastfeeding definitely helps, too, but above all, that your birth plan was met, so here's hoping for a water birth at home, with just my birth team!

My midwife is also super strict about sugar and carbs, so these oat drops may be something good to make.

Obsessing over not only kale chips, but CHOCOLATE kale chips. I first tried them from Kaia Foods, and my world hasn't been the same.

Recently, being a soon-to-be mom, I saw this series and connected strongly with it, as well as joined this holistic health coach's program.

So I feel I'm not doing much, but at the same time, there's lots going on! For now, we continue the waiting game...

Oof

Wow, has it been a month already? So sorry for the long silence again. So many changes! My husband and I got married again for the 3rd and FINAL (hopefully) time, so now we focus on our 20-week old fetus, right? Nope; we move to a different place this weekend, AND my husband leaves for an overnight business trip on Thursday! I have been trying my best to be more proactive than reactive (read: trying hard not to panic), and so far, I've been succeeding (yay)

On the baby front, the bump is definitely getting bigger, will try to get someone to take a picture of me..soon. 20 weeks is also the official halfway mark, so yay for that! We do not know if we are having a boy or girl yet, but we're working on that! I'm thinking of having a furry child in lieu of a rescued poodle sometime, too, though other friends who are parents are warning me against it. But I love dogs, and I miss having one, so we'll see. And of course after finding out the gender, we'll need to proceed to baby registries, which ARE fun, but also a whole new layer to this baby process. I AM grateful that so many people care for us, though, evidence in friends and family eager for this next phase. Ah, commercialism, ain't it grand.

On the IIN front, we are at Module 25, though I am still quite behind with my studies, what with wedding #3 and family visiting and now us moving, on top of preggo fatigue. Last week was also the IIN conference in NYC, which I was unfortunately unable to attend, what with our renewal of vows the week before, and family staying until last Sunday. You gotta take care of all the other stuff before embarking on the next thing, so this conference had to give for me.

On the blog front and my niche, with my pregnancy came some clarity but also some uncertainty: clarity on refining my niche but uncertainty on how to implement it with school and pregnancy and limited energy. However, after a conversation with a friend, I may have an action plan. So stay tuned, this blog may get a bit of an overhaul/rebirth sometime in the future!

For now, stay happy and healthy!

Still Alive!

Sorry for the long silence; the main reason for that is....drumroll.....I'm pregnant!

Right now I'm 15 weeks going on 16 this Sunday, and let me agree with most mothers when they say that there should a be a 3-month leave for the 1st trimester. SO TRUE! This pregnancy was actually a surprise, and just when was getting fit, drinking my green smoothies, getting into my nutrition program, I got LASIK, and noticed while I was recovering that I was...more tired than usual and craved more meat. My husband wisely suggested I go to the doctor, and yep, he confirmed that I was banged up, had a bun in the oven, PREGGO.

It honestly took me a while to deal with this, that plus my family has a different birth vision than mine. Theirs is the hospital model, whereas I want a home birth and a midwife. Eventually, we have settled into a truce of sorts. They don't want to hear much about it, but my husband's parents are pretty receptive. Also, in doing my research, I realized that there's not really a bunch of nutrition information for moms, and I think this is so crucial!

In the midst of all this, I was sleeping, resting....and not doing much else(!), so I got waaaaaay behind in my studies. There was a test looming, and I was so scared I wouldn't do it: I was ready to call the school and ask to be put at a later class, but classmates told me that meant starting over! Starting over?! That put me in high study-gear, with room for not much else. The test opened up last week, and we also did last-minute plans for our wedding renewal for my husband's side of the world. Talk about busy! I crammed the last two modules as I felt that was the only way to get everything done in time for the test, reassuring my methodical brain that I will go back to them later. So I took the test....and passed! Lesson learned: don't fall behind! Limit Internet time! At my husband's suggestion, I took the rest of the day off, but not really: I did some creative wedding stuff to be productive and creative, which was nice. I was too pooped to clean up, so I did that this morning. Now, I'm refreshed to do more!

So...studies, and wedding plans, and exercise, which has been in the back burner, yikes! Time to get moving again: my body will thank me! Yes, I have a little belly now, but must tone that with exercise! So much to do and think about, but as we are taught in marketing class at IIN, one step at a time.

A Late Update for Weeks 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. With my birthday and my mom and in-laws over and wrapping up work, and this past Friday, LASIK....let's just say it's been really busy. Let's keep it short this time around so I won't tax my lasered eyes.

The last call I had with my health coach was a bit harder than usual as it was my birthday, which meant I was out and with my Mom, so it was harder to focus! We talked about my insufficient hydration, then the juicy part was when we talked about me asking for money which was related to going out there and talking to people. I am terrified of doing that. Yes, I don't think I am not qualified enough yet, which is why on top of IIN, I am doing other programs and looking into some products. And she said by doing that, I am capable, and *I AM WORTHY AND VALUABLE.* But she also said I have to realize this, because if not, I will attract people who won't think I'm worthy and that they're not worthy, either. My assignment is to ask for things, which I hate to do! As I was mulling over this, I saw this blog post from my friend Cora Poage and thought it fit perfectly. Now to do it!

Week 13 rolls in tomorrow. With work done, I will have more time, yes, but to plan for wedding #3 (to the same man, promise!), for IIN and for other programs, etc. Woohoo, we can do this! I am grateful for this extra time: now to make use of it wisely. Oh, and I am grateful for my laptop being fixed this weekend, among other things. Woohoo! Now for more efficient work! Yes, it is ok to ask for things. I am worthy. I am important. I am valuable.

Week 5, 6 and 7 (yikes!)

Oh, wow, have 3 weeks gone by already? Whoa, time sure flies. I can see where my Dad comes from for haranguing me on not to waste my time; I'm so glad that I'm studying at Integrative Nutrition to be a health coach...

So blessing of blessings, we were given a respite last week from the modules as it was Easter weekend. I had grand plans of getting ahead, but sadly, that did not happen. However, I was still able to keep up my exercise regimen. What did happen was my husband and I going out to visit his family, which went pretty well. BUT this week wasn't so good. I started out sick and out of sorts, on top of extra stress from work, which led me to being frustrated then led to a huge crying jag. But now it's better, and I'm getting back on track. I haven't been able to exercise much too due to everything going on, but I'm hoping tonight's the night! I still have a ton of stuff to do, but I am going to BREATHE, then function from a CAN-DO attitude. And when I exercise, my energy's up and everything just looks and feels better, so gotta gotta gotta!

In other news, I believe that as holistic as we are, that we can also have the products we use work for us. Thus I've been meeting great people who share the same mindset, and adding a lot of products to my "bag of tricks."
So far, I have Zrii, Usana (assoc. 5528296), Natural Zing, Mila, Sacred Chocolate and Gnosis Chocolate, E3 Live, Natural News, Her Future and Raw Food World. I recently signed on for doTerra and Simply Divine Botanicals, as well. As my husband puts it, I get into things full force (like 150%), then pick and choose later. True enough. So we'll see what I'll stick with. The way I see it, there's no harm in being open to trying things out, then to find out which works for me, so I can confidently tell my (future) clients about it, and (hopefully) benefit from it, too. When I was getting overwhelmed and worried about all these, my health coach for the program said it's good to be open, versus allopathic, so I'm good with that :)

Apart from that, it's full steam ahead with health histories and various other requirements or optional stuff for IIN. I have tended my resignation at my primary workplace effective June 3rd, which is also when I plan to get LASIK (!), plus my Mom and my in-laws are coming for my birthday, which happens to be when my next health coach call will be. Oh, and did I mention that my husband and I are having our 3rd (and hopefully last-- it's a long story) wedding in September, so planning for that too--invites need to be sent out soon! So yeah, lots of stuff going on: one can only imagine how overwhelmed and pressured I felt this week. But breathe, baby, breathe. Still figuring out my target market, as well, though I am forming an idea around women with digestive and skin issues, though I may still need to narrow that down, not sure yet. The time we spent visiting my in-laws, I was able to look at holistic stuff with my husband (God bless him)-- always my interest, now for "research" purposes, and I chanced upon W3LL and Global Girlfriends. I saw them, thought of them with regards to my target market and my inner voice seemed to stir and nudge, and I got goosebumps. So hopefully I am on to something!

I haven't been this excited about stuff since...a while! There's this quote I love that got me into IIN and the idea of health coaching in the first place, and it goes, "Whatever you choose to do in your free time you should do as a job.” -Amanda Brooks, Barney’s New York Fashion Director, fromme-toyou
And now, study is like going through the tunnel toward that beacon of light. Work and play are melding, and I think that's an awesome feeling. I hope this works, and I hope I succeed in this endeavor, and that this is it for the long haul.

Week 3 and Week 4

Hi everybody!

Yikes, I was too busy last week to post, so before the month ends, let me slide with one! Incidentally, tomorrow is April Fool's, but I do not suffer fools, and this is not a prank post, promise.

Truth to tell, I had a gajillion webinars/etc to do today, some for IIN, some not. Not only am I enrolled in IIN, but I am going to try out green juicing sometime, I also signed up for Zrii care of Lorraine Miller, an IIN grad. I applied to be an affiliate at Gnosis Chocolate, I'm going to try Sunrider care of Jessica, a fellow classmate, and Shakeology from Shannon, another fellow classmate; on top of all the other IIN grads' websites/blogs I try to follow, my favorite so far being Nisha Moodley's, product maybe Arielle Fierman's. Now these are all great, but yeah, WHOA time and concentration and focus, and WHOA money! (On top of launching myself into doing these things for my betterment, my wallet's telling me to kinda give it a break, oops) I actually had to step away from the computer and regroup 'coz I was seriously stressing and getting upset. I just canceled doing the webinars tonight and I am going to take care of MYSELF, maybe even work out a little, mayhap have some Sunrider Fortune Delight, or try to finish Module 3, 'coz that's where we're at now, baby!

Don't get me wrong, all of these opportunities are blessings, but yeah, it is nice to breathe every now and then! I also think it adds to the frustration and upset that in trying to balance all these things, I forget some details, which gets me annoyed, and then it becomes a mini-mad and vicious cycle. So yeah, this is me at Week 4, still loving it, but I may take the rest of the night off for some self-care! I've submitted three health histories and done give or take 7, so I'm plodding along! I'm trying to catch up, but definitely need to do it one step at a time. Meanwhile, life goes on. As much as I'd like, I am not in a little IIN bubble, which is nice, too, I think, to see the more practical side to things, that we all have to do anyway, which is to balance our lives! So I had a dental appointment today (which may be a part of my stress and fatigue and general crappy state of mind), have a Tibetan yoga workshop this weekend to a studio I've never been to-- again, FUN, but also trepidation as I will be doing something totally new! I will meet the Houston IIN chapter on Sunday after the yoga workshop, I may see a friend tomorrow and another on Monday, which might mean less study time and less exercise time, and exercise is my de-stressor. So life goes on; just gotta roll with the punches. And if we drop one ball, I guess, nay, I hope, that we can pick it back up, that there is room for error and redemption.

Week 2, checking IIN

So we've done Modules 1.1 and 1.2 by now, and it's also spring break for me as I presently work in a public school. Incidentally, I'm down with a bad cough that left me voiceless for 3 days(!), but now I have my voice back, albeit hoarse; hooray :) I've been trying to catch up with webinar open sessions and fundamentals, not to mention the OEF (online education forums)...and did two Health Histories. Yes yes I did :) I was nervous, but I am hoping it's getting better. We are constantly told to trust in the process, so I am trying. I still have 1 more Health History coming up, not to mention my first session with my health coach. So whoa whoa! Not to mention we're looking at a house that's up for lease, need to file our taxes, and I am considering LASIK in the summer. So many things to do. But you know what? I feel that in the middle of it all is my continuing education at Integrative Nutrition, giving me purpose. It does help that I got some raw vegan chocolates from a promo when I enrolled ;-)

In light of the recent catastrophes that have been occurring in Japan (an earthquake, a tsunami, and three nuclear reactor meltdowns), I was listening to a teleseminar by Dr. Christiane Northrup last night, and she talked about divine love-- that there is no room for emotions as that is human, but instead, action, or "a force to do good." In that light, I guess I can also link that to my future as a health coach-- divine love: doing good.